All in Meme Come True

An Open Letter to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dear Mr. Shrug Shoulder Emoji Guy,

Thank you. Of all the emojis, emoticons, and GIFs, you have been the most faithful. You stand head and shoulders above the rest (mainly because you have both a head and shoulders with which to stand above the others).

Dear Hiring Manager: An Honest Cover Letter

Dear Hiring Manager,

Hey! Thanks for posting this job that looks interesting. How many of these letters have you received so far? I’m just curious. Am I number 152 or 291? I’ll be honest and say that I do indeed want this job, but then again, I’m guessing all of the other people who have written you say that, too. I promise you I’m telling you the truth, though, and that I actually want to work here

7 Mindblowing LaCroix Hacks

My local Whole Foods displays it as a shrine--a literal pyramid of muted pastel 12-packs, magnetic to innocent bystanders and admitted sparkling water addicts alike. I’m no exception. The empty 12-ounce cans decorating my apartment prove I’m just as devoted a LaCroix disciple as any other twenty-something who probably can’t afford novelty drinks to begin with.

Join the Revolution, and Light a Candle

Now--as the darkness coils around us like an infernal serpent, threatening to choke out our humanity--is the time to do our part and practice a commonplace convention (nay, recover an ancient activity) as we bid to salvage our sanity and perhaps even to protect our very souls.
I’m talking about reprising the original revolutionary act. I’m talking about engaging in a brush with transcendence. I’m talking about conjuring a wizardry spell of bafflingly banal reputation.