An Open Letter to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dear Mr. Shrug Shoulder Emoji Guy,
Thank you. Of all the emojis, emoticons, and GIFs, you have been the most faithful. You stand head and shoulders above the rest (mainly because you have both a head and shoulders with which to stand above the others). Your passive nonchalance—your cheery ambivalence—has fit my mood on countless occasions. Sometimes I feel you know me better than I know myself.
Thank you for all the times you’ve come through for me when I didn’t quite know what to say. Words can be so hard, but you are always there for me. My thoughts and thumbs may fail, but you are the strength of my texts and my responses forever.
When my girlfriend (now my ex-girlfriend) asked why I hadn’t called her back, you were there.
When my roommate wanted to know whether I wanted him to pick me up a chicken or steak burrito, you were there—and my roommate got me half-chicken half-steak! #blessed
When my mom asked if I had made a dentist appointment for myself at any point in the last two years, you were there.
When my co-worker asked what time our meeting was, you were there.
When my brother asked what color suit I was wearing to a friend’s wedding, you were there.
When my dad wanted to know how my final grades for the semester turned out, you were there. (And though my dad didn’t understand you, you helped me avoid the question he originally asked and I say thank you)
When my overly-political uncle texted me on Election Day to ask who I voted for, you were there.
You are the only reason I’ve ever read an article from The Atlantic in its entirety. The letters IDFK are the perfect shortcut that allow you to pop up so quickly on my phone screen. For when I D F-ing K, you do. You do F-ing K. All I have to do is touch those four letters and there you are—better than any four-letter word—ready to greet me in all your aloofness and to be the non-answer in my answer.
No one is better at saying so much while also saying nothing at all. You are the perfect politician—inoffensive, unresponsive, noncommittal, honest. That last one may not fit with most politicians, but that’s what makes you better than the best of them. You are true to yourself, and in doing so, you are true to me.
You are ignorance. You are bliss. Don’t ever change.
I’m not sure