Game Night with the Enneagrams

Game Night with the Enneagrams

Ed. Note: If you're not totally familar with the the nine "Enneagram Types", you miiiight want to "click it out" here before reading further. Trust us, you'll want the enhanced hilarity experience. 

INT. ZELDA AND GARY’S HOUSE - NIGHT

ZELDA (2) is wearing an apron and is pinballing from kitchen to parlor. She puts finishing touches on decorations and fills up the beverage dispenser with sparkling water.

GARY (6) triple-checks the internal temperatures of the poultry-based finger foods. He hears a car pull into their driveway. 6ARY peeks through the window, straining for a view of the approaching stranger. He fiddles his ironic mustache.

2ELDA darts to the front door, where she warmly greets IAN (1). 1AN is wearing crisp, dark jeans and a button-down shirt. He smiles impossibly white teeth.

1AN
Should I take my shoes off?
 

2ELDA
Whatever’s most comfortable!
 

6ARY
Could be tracking dirt in from the driveway. Safer to take them off.


TRACY (7) and her boyfriend DREW (3) arrive. 7RACY is wearing a bright yellow party dress and an enormous smile.

DR3W strides into the parlor wearing a blazer he changed into moments before, on account of hearing this was a dressier-than-usual board game party. He’s holding the game Balderdash and a stack of business cards that have an impressively long list of letters after his name.

 

7RACY
I made a Catan cake for the par-TAY.

2ELDA
Awwww! Let me escort that into the kitchen for you.

6ARY
Are there any potential allergens?

 

The next guest is BARB (8). Bluetooth earpiece affixed to ear. She knocks thoroughly on the door. 8ARB is 5’5” going on 6’5” and she’s holding Monopoly under her arm.

PETER (9) and STEVE (5) sort of materialize in the foyer. 5TEVE notices other guests and immediately regrets attending. 9ETER has an unkempt beard and a calming presence.

The final guest to arrive is ALISON (4). 4LISON glides in, her gaze directed at the ground, wearing a stunning outfit that other guests wouldn’t know to describe as casual or formal.


INT. ZELDA AND GARY’S HOUSE - LATER

2ELDA is brokering introductions and freshening up drinks.

DR3W is pitching his business to 5TEVE, who’s studying the spines of books on the shelf.

7RACY dances in place while she listens to 4LISON describe the aesthetics of the music that’s playing.

4LISON
Do you understand what I’m saying?
 

7RACY
Totally.

 

7RACY moonwalks over to the iPod and turns up the volume.

4LISON stares longingly into her drink. She watches the ice cubes melt.

2ELDA clangs on her glass with a fork to get everyone’s attention.

 

2ELDA
Do people want to start playing a game?!

7RACY
Yaasssss GAMES.

6ARY
I don’t think we have any games
that will accommodate nine players.

5TEVE
I’m already looking up games
fitting that criteria.


9ETER
I don’t have to play, if that makes things easier.

2ELDA
What about Pandemic?
 

6ARY
(tensing up)
The disease outbreak one?
 

9ETER
I like Pandemic.


DR3W
What about something more competitive?
 

8ARB
Like Monopoly.
 

1AN
Perhaps a game not as cutthroat as Monopoly.
 

8ARB snaps a pretzel rod in half.
 

7RACY
Loving this brainstorm sesh. Keep
the ideas coming you guys.

 

INT. ZELDA AND GARY’S HOUSE - LATER.

1AN, 2ELDA, DR3W, and 8ARB are playing Settlers of Catan.

9ETER, 4LISON, and 7RACY are playing Apples to Apples.

5TEVE and 6ARY are playing Clue.

8ARB
I’m using a Knight.

8ARB steals a card from DR3W.
 

DR3W
That’s all right. I suppose my
winning streak has to end sometime.
 

8ARB places two roads and cuts 1AN off.

8ARB
I’ve got the longest road now.
 

1AN
Are we applying the rules correctly?
 

2ELDA
8ARB, you’ve always been so good
at strategy, I’ve noticed.
 

DR3W counts his victory points out loud.

1AN neatens the crooked game pieces.

8ARB messes up the straightened game pieces when 1AN’s not looking.

 

7RACY
(Looking at a pair of
Apples to Apples cards)

I’m picking this one ‘cause it’s hilARious.

 

4LISON
Am I the only one who gets the
conceptual connection between the
two?

 

9ETER
(nodding)

I get it, 4LISON. I don’t think
we’re really keeping score, anyway.

 

5TEVE jots notes in the margin of his Clue game sheet.

6ARY shifts in his chair and clears his throat.

 

6ARY
Are you absolutely sure you don’t
have the candlestick? I just want
to confirm.

1AN
(from across the room)

Are you even allowed to play Clue
with only two players?

 

5TEVE
There’s a two-player variation I
learned that we’re testing out.

 

8ARB
I won.

 

DR3W
I wasn’t even trying.

 

1AN
2ELDA should’ve laid another road
there at the end.

 

2ELDA
I was busy with the dishes.

 

7RACY
I want more cake.

 

4LISON
I’m bored.



THE END

In Defense of Punctuation

In Defense of Punctuation

For Such A Time As This: A Poem

For Such A Time As This: A Poem